The Grateful Mama

“All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

Pablo Picasso

Your child approaches you with a piece of artwork in hand, and you feel compelled to say something like, “Oh it’s beautiful!  I love it!” or, “Great job!”   These sound like reasonable responses, don’t they?   After all, praise builds self-esteem, right?  Wrong.  Current research suggests that it may do just the opposite; praising our kids may do more harm than good.

Just read Alfie Kohn’s article; ‘Five reasons to stop saying, “Good Job!” and it’ll change the way you talk to your children.

(www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Five_Reasons_Stop/),

Here’s a taste of what Kohn has to say about praising the creative work of children:

“Researchers keep finding that kids who are praised for doing well at a creative task tend to stumble at the next task, and they don’t do as well as children who weren’t praised to begin with.  Why does this happen? Partly because the praise creates pressure to “keep up the good work” that gets in the way of doing so. Partly because their interest in what they’re doing may have declined. Partly because they become less likely to take risks ‘ a prerequisite for creativity ‘ once they start thinking about how to keep those positive comments coming.”

So what are we supposed to do instead of praising our children?   What’s the best way to respond to the creative efforts of our kids?

During my training as a teacher, entire classes were devoted to the topic of, “Encouragement versus Praise,” and I thought I was pretty good at using encouraging vocabulary with my children…until I met Lesley Henderson.

Lesley is one of the Comox Valley’s greatest treasures.  She runs a pre-school out of her home called ‘Roseberry,’ which my four-year-old daughter currently attends.  I remember my sister describing Roseberry to me years ago, “Every child needs a Lesley in their life,” she had said.  It’s true. Lesley oozes love and respect for her young artists, and they blossom under her care.  She is warm, gentle, kind, inspiring, exciting, enthusiastic, and above all, encouraging.

Lesley generously agreed to share her ideas about art education with the OBE community.  Here’s a portion of my conversation with her:

KPS: Where did you learn how to talk to kids about their art?

LH: My background as an Early Childhood Educator with an Art School degree,

led me to inspiring work teaching at Arts Umbrella. Kids would experience this really intense time of drawing and then painting and then ‘collage-ing,’ and they’d be so excited with the process, they’d run out to show their parents and oftentimes, the parents weren’t sure how to approach the child with the piece of work.  They weren’t quite sure what to say, so I’d talk to parents separately and we’d have discussions around how to talk about children’s art in ways that would encourage a dialogue about the elements of art.

KPS: What would a dialogue like that sound like?

LH: “Wow I see you’ve used a lot of green and yellow in your work today,” or, “Look at those horizontal lines going through that big rectangle.”

We immediately draw the child back into the work they’ve done by commenting on the elements of art; things like colour, line, shape, and form.  We talk to the children as artists; giving them the language of art, and looking at their pieces together in a reflective way.

This way of discussing art with children really does enrich the child’s way of seeing, and it also gives the parents a place to go to talk about their children’s art without making a valuing judgment; without making a complimentary judgment.   Sometimes the compliments like, ‘Gee it’s nice,’ become meaningless to a child because it’s just a pat answer like, ‘Have a nice day.’

KPS: What are some DO’s and DON’T’s for parents to follow when talking to children about art?

LH:

THE DO’S:

Describe what you see.  Have a dialogue about the elements of art; colour, shape, line, form, how energetic a drawing is, even the shape of the paper.

Encourage your child by saying that you know they’ve worked really hard on their painting.

Ask questions: “Was there anything you wanted to share about your picture? How did that colour arrive on the paper…I don’t see it in your tray…how did you mix that colour?”

Refer to your child as an artist.

Take the opportunity to talk to older siblings about their younger brother or sister’s scribbles.  Scribbling is like crawling, it’s a big step, and even adult artists scribble.  It’s an important stage that we all go through and we value it.

Wait to respond.  Sometimes you can just look at the painting and smile.  Waiting often allows space for your child to comment about his or her work.  And if they ask, “Do you like it?”  That’s when you can say, “I see you’ve spent a lot of time working on this painting, look at all the colours you’ve used,” etc.

Make connections between the art and the world.  “You’ve used so many circles here, and do you see any other circles in the room?”

Go to art galleries with your children.  Ask them what they think about the art.

Make art materials accessible to your kids.  Children’s symbolic expressions often represent theories about their ideas.  Providing a variety of art making tools helps children make their ideas visible and deepens learning.

THE DON’T’S:

Don’t say, “What is it?”  It doesn’t have to be anything! Children delight in the process of creating art; the finished product may be of no consequence.  Also, children are often not making art to please parents or identify an idea right away.  Think process over product.

Don’t compliment the work with phrases like, “That’s a beautiful painting,” or “That’s lovely.’  Firstly, you miss opportunities for rich dialogue about the artwork, and secondly, your vague compliments are going to get old.  They become meaningless to children because they hear them so often.

Don’t put a value on it by saying, “I love it!” or “It’s my favourite piece!”  We want children to be enjoying the process for their own sake; not to please us.

Don’t judge by saying, “That’s great work!”  Over time, these words also become meaningless and we lose our credibility with children.

Don’t share your interpretation of a picture; keep it to yourself.  If you say, “Oh, look at that tiger that you’ve drawn,” you might influence what the child has done.  Sometimes kids can be a little put out that you don’t understand what they’ve done.

Don’t give your kids colouring books.  Turn those placemats over at the restaurant so that your child can create on a blank page.  See what they come up with.  A colouring book is someone else’s idea of what something should look like.  It has nothing to do with a child’s view of how to express it.  It’s someone else’s interpretation.

In an article of this length it is impossible for me to cover all of the ideas that Lesley shared with me during our hour together, but you will be pleased to learn that she is available to speak to groups who are interested in learning more on this topic. (lesleyhenderson@shaw.ca)

I would like to add one more item to the DON’T list:

DON’T FEEL GUILTY about the way you’ve been talking to your children.  Knowledge is empowering, and, instead of feeling guilty, I hope that you will find this information as inspiring as my husband and I did.

A few months ago, we decided to replace praise with encouragement in our family; not just when we were talking to our daughters about art, but ALL THE TIME!  It has been a lot harder than we anticipated, but also a lot more fun.  We laugh at each other when we change a sentence mid-stream, “Good….ness you put your pajamas on by yourself!” We’re amused by the seemingly incomplete sound of our encouraging statements, “Pip, you’re using your fork.”  And once, I actually praised my husband for using encouragement instead of praise!

We have a long way to go before we’re a praise-free household, but it’s worth the effort.  And so far, I think we’re doing a good job!