“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

Kahlil Gibran

Over the last month, it seems as though Fig has become more attached to me than usual.  She’s sleeping through the night now and I’m down to only two breast-feeds each day, so she may [...]]]>

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

Kahlil Gibran

Over the last month, it seems as though Fig has become more attached to me than usual.  She’s sleeping through the night now and I’m down to only two breast-feeds each day, so she may be feeling as though she has less ‘up-close-and-personal-time’ with Mama.  These days, if she’s awake, she’s glued to my hip, which makes it challenging to leave the house without her.  The girls have only really known one babysitter thus far: my mother.  Yes, we know how lucky we are to have family close by; especially a grandmother who is so willing and wonderful…but that’s another post.

Lately, every time Grandma P. comes over to watch the girls, (which is at least once each week,) Fig immediately starts following me around the house with her arms outstretched, crying, “Mama!”   Fig often has to be wrenched from my arms, before I make a quick exit.   I know that she calms down quickly, and my mom is great at distracting Fig, but it’s unpleasant, to say the least.

One morning Grandma P. managed to distract Fig while I put on my boots and coat, and grabbed my purse.  I waved silently to Mom and she nodded quickly.  Without saying anything, we knew we were both thinking the same thing: that I should get out while the getting was good!

I slipped out the door, walked down the stairs and around the house to my car.  I even sat down in the driver’s seat, and then I thought, “I can’t do it.  I can’t leave this way.”   I hadn’t said good-bye to Pip or to Fig.  It didn’t feel right.  I have always wanted to instill trust in my daughters.  I don’t want them to think that Mama can disappear at any time.  I want them to know that I’ll always be honest with them, and that I have faith they can handle any situation.

So, I went back inside.  My mom looked surprised.  ”Sorry Mom,” I said, “I don’t want to sneak out the back door, I want to say good-bye properly and face the music.”  My mom completely understood.  I gave each of my daughters a kiss and a hug and I said ‘good-bye’ before I left.  And wouldn’t you know it, Fig just looked at me and said, “Bye, Mama!”

Denis Waitley

Don’t worry; I’m not going to be writing about Daisytree three days a week from here on in, but I have to let you know how Pip’s first REAL day at [...]]]>

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”

Denis Waitley

Don’t worry; I’m not going to be writing about Daisytree three days a week from here on in, but I have to let you know how Pip’s first REAL day at school went down.

I waited until we were at the breakfast table to say, “So Pip, when we go to Daisytree today, Lily would like all of the parents to leave for awhile so that she can have some fun with the kids.”

Pip stopped chewing her cereal and looked straight ahead, out the dining-room window, for a good minute.  She was processing.  ”Mama,” she began thoughtfully, “I’m not used of you being gone.  Can you stay with me at Daisytree until I’m used of it?”

“Of course I will Pip.”  My husband and I looked at each other and smiled.

“You said that very well, Sweetie,” Big Daddy-O said, and gave Pip a wink.

Pip seemed happy with the discussion.  I prepared to stay at Daisytree the entire two and a half hours.  I packed an extra snack for Fig because she would be attending as well.  I knew that Lily would be supportive of whatever worked for Pip; she had told me previously that it takes some kids weeks, (and sometimes months,) of having their parents attend pre-school with them before they’re ready to fly solo.

Off we went to Daisytree.  Pip seemed happy to be there, but she kept me close to her as she watched the other mothers leave their kids.  Without exception, the children were all fine.  Lily’s teaching assistant, Louise, came over to us and said, “Pip, would you like to give your mom a big hug good-bye and come with me?”

Pip just turned to me and said, “Mama!”

“Pip, I’m not going to leave until you’re ready,” I reassured her.

“Of course!” said Louise, “your mom can stay with us as long as you want.”

Pip relaxed.  She surveyed the room.  Her two teachers were happy and smiling, the kids were all having fun, and there wasn’t another parent in sight.  In the blink of an eye, she turned to me and said,  ”You can leave now, Mama.”

Wow!  I didn’t see that coming so quickly.  ”Okay Pip, big hug.”  We embraced, then I turned from her and didn’t look back.  I grabbed a shoe-less Fig, chatted briefly with Lily on the way out of the door, and left.  I couldn’t quite believe that I was on the outside!  I walked slowly to the car, chatted with other moms, and took my time getting Fig into her car-seat in case Pip had a change of heart.  Everything seemed fine.  I was one proud mama pulling out of that driveway.

Fig and I enjoyed our one-on-one time together; running a few errands and taking a little forest-walk.  More than once, I wondered how Pip was doing, and to be honest, I missed her.  I’ve been away from her for much longer periods of time, but this felt different somehow.

Two-and-a-half hours later, I arrived back at Daisytree to see my happy three-year-old running toward me with crafts in hand.  ”Mama, Lily gave me a treasure!”

Lily gave me a treasure too.  To have my daughter’s first experience away from her family be so positive is truly a gift.

At lunch-time Pip was full of Daisytree stories.  ”Mom, I liked it when you were gone.”

I never would have guessed that those words would be music to my ears, but they were.

“That’s great Pip!”

She continued, “I went up to Lily and I said ‘my mom’s gone’ and she said ‘that’s great’ and then all I felt was…all I could feel was fun!  I just felt fun the whole time.”

Talk about happy endings.

Hodding Carter

Our second visit to Daisytree was a shortened morning session in which all of the kids and parents met for a short time to get acquainted.  As I suspected, [...]]]> “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings.”

Hodding Carter

Our second visit to Daisytree was a shortened morning session in which all of the kids and parents met for a short time to get acquainted.  As I suspected, Pip was hesitant when the room was full of people.  Fig happily launched into some puzzling with a couple of other kids while Pip clung to my arm.  I kept trying to nudge her toward activities that other kids were involved with, but she stayed by my side and simply observed the busy-ness.

Lily let all of the parents and kids get to know each other in an informal manner, then she called the group together for a story.  She wasn’t going to read a book though, she was going to tell the story of ‘The Three Billy Goats Gruff,’ and she had props!  Suddenly, my sidekick whispered to me, “Mom, I want to help Lily tell the story,” and she marched past the kids and parents to Lily’s side.  Lily paused and looked at Pip, “Lily, I want to help you.”

Lily fed Pip the lines and Pip delivered them with flair.  She went from being the quiet observer clinging to her mom, to being the front-and-centre storyteller.  Amazing.  Pip’s involvement inspired other kids to want ‘goat roles,’ and the proud parents were all entertained by neighing, uncooperative goats.

The kids enjoyed a snack together and, before we knew it, the morning had come to an end.

Successful Daisytree visit number two!

The next step is a big one: no parents.  Pip has managed to surprise me at every turn though, and with Lily casting her enchanting spell over Pip, I’m optimistic that she’ll be fine without me.  I’ll let you know what happens on Friday.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

When I lived with a family in India, the children and their parents were NEVER apart.  One evening I asked my host, Patrick, if he and his wife ever let someone [...]]]> “If  you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.”

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

When I lived with a family in India, the children and their parents were NEVER apart.  One evening I asked my host, Patrick, if he and his wife ever let someone else take care of their children while they went out and had time to themselves.  ”Why would we want to be away from our kids?” he answered, “We love being around them.  Why would we want to be somewhere they are not?”

My husband and I love being around our kids too, but we also cherish the times that we have alone together, and we’re fortunate to have family close by to take care of the girls when we need a break.  However, Pip hasn’t been left alone with anyone other than family in her three years of life.  We’ve enjoyed numerous classes and activities, but they’ve always involved a parent, (or Grandma in our case.)

With September just around the corner, I find myself faced with a dilemma:

Do I send Pip to pre-school even though she is saying that she doesn’t want to go, or do I wait a year?  It is of no consequence to our family whether she attends or not; we simply heard of an exceptional programme and thought that the experience would be fantastic for her.

(Before going further, I should clarify that I realize this is a lovely problem to have.  I’ve been very fortunate to have been able to stay at home with my girls, and even though I’ll be returning to work part-time, my mom is going to be able to care for Pip and Fig.  We’re blessed, and we know it.)

Nevertheless, this will potentially be a huge transition for Pip, and it warrants some careful consideration.  The pre-school Pip is currently  enrolled at begins in two weeks.  At this point, she says, “I just want to be with you, Mama,” whenever we talk about ’school,’ so we haven’t been talking about it.  When I ask her about other activities like taking tap-dance lessons or playing soccer, she says, “No thanks, Mama.  I already know how to tap dance.”

So, I could simply respect Pip’s wishes and limit her activities to those that involve a parent.  I’m sure she’d be happy with that situation, but on the other hand, she might absolutely adore pre-school once she tries it, and I don’t want her to miss out on a fabulous opportunity.   I had originally thought we could treat pre-school the same way we treat new foods.  Pip has to try it, but if she really doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to go.  Now I’m questioning that philosophy.  My sister advised me  against it,  saying that if we leave an ‘out’ for Pip, she’ll take it.  (Although, when Pip discovers that she likes a new type of food, she keeps eating it!)

My gut says that it’s going to be tough for Pip.  I’m trying not to relate this feeling to her in any way, but my instinct tells me that there are going to be tears.

I’ve been having some interesting discussions with other mothers on this topic and I think it’s hard for people to relate unless they have a child like Pip.  All of Pip’s little girlfriends are definitely ready to dive into organized classes without their parents.  They can’t wait to go to school and daycare and hockey practice; but not our little Pip.

Perhaps the very fact that Pip is reluctant to be on her own is reason enough to insist that she attend pre-school.  It’s a very safe environment, the facilitator is lovely and the group of children is small.  It couldn’t be a better situation for Pip to gradually get used to being on her own.  But is it the right time?  Will there ever be a right time?  Will it only be harder for her if we wait longer?

I’m of two minds.  On the one hand, I think of my own childhood, and I wasn’t involved in activities away from my mom until I was at least five years old.  There’s no rush!  Pip’s only three!  There will be lots of time to create art and interact with other kids.

On the other hand,  I think it would be really great for Pip’s confidence and self-esteem to know that she can handle being away from her parents in a new situation.  I think she’ll find it really stimulating, and she’ll make some new friends.  It’s an important step on her path toward independence, but IS THIS THE RIGHT TIME?

Wait, what am I saying?  There is no ‘right’ time or ‘wrong’ time, is there?  There are just choices that we make for our children and we hope that we’re making decisions in their best interest.  So, is attending school this year in Pip’s best interest?  It could be.  DAMN.  I should know the answer, shouldn’t I?  I’m her mom.  Then again, I’m not her.  She’s not me.  She is her own little person with her own set of emotions and desires.  How can I possibly know if she’s ready for pre-school?  It could go either way.

To be honest, Fig seems more ‘ready’ than Pip.  Fig is quick to connect with strangers, quick to join activities and happy to try new things.  I have a feeling we’ll all go to pre-school together on the first day, and Fig will run off and play with the other kids while Pip clings to my leg crying, “Don’t leave me, Mama!”

Some of you know my daughter and  most of you don’t, but I’m sure you all have an opinion and I’d love to hear them!  I know that in the end, my husband and I will make a decision and we’ll just have to trust our instincts.  In the meantime, however, I think it would help to get some objective advice.  Even writing this post to you has helped to clarify the issue.  (It’s clear that I’m indecisive!!!)