Eli Khamarov

When I drop Pip off at Daisytree pre-school two mornings a week, it provides Fig and I with a two-hour chunk of one-on-one time.  During the week-long Spring Break, Fig demonstrated a few negative, attention-seeking behaviours [...]]]> “The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations.”

Eli Khamarov

When I drop Pip off at Daisytree pre-school two mornings a week, it provides Fig and I with a two-hour chunk of one-on-one time.  During the week-long Spring Break, Fig demonstrated a few negative, attention-seeking behaviours and I wondered if she was missing our mother-daughter time.  Our first week back at school, I was really looking forward to being able to focus all of my attention on Fig for awhile. I drove the girls to Daisytree, we walked Pip into the school and hugged her good-bye, and then I asked Fig what she wanted to do for our ‘date.’

“Play,” said Fig.  She didn’t want to leave the wonders of the Daisytree environment.  She wanted to stay with Pip.  I tried to entice her with a trip to the park, to the muffin shop, to the playground, but Fig didn’t budge.  She liked looking at the worms in the kiddie pool that was in the pre-school’s back-yard.  After about fifteen minutes of worm-watching, I told Fig that we had to go.  I tried all of the tactics in my arsenal to convince her to leave peacefully, but in the end, I had to pick Fig up and carry her to the car.

I always hate having to physically remove my kids when they’re not cooperating.  I feel like a bully:  ”Okay, you’re not doing what I want, so I’ll use my size and strength to overpower you.”  I know I wouldn’t like to be hoisted under someone’s arm against my will.  I do it as a last resort, but it never feels good.

Fig became so upset with me, that she cried in the car for the next fifteen minutes.  When we arrived at her favourite playground, she calmed down and we proceeded to have a great time.  We played hide and seek, slid down the slide together, told knock-knock jokes while Fig was in the swing, and had a tender cuddle when she fell down a couple of steps.  Then it was time to leave.  Once again, Fig wanted to stay right where she was.  There were more tears, and her general dissatisfaction continued for the next hour.  She didn’t want her shoes removed, she didn’t want to wash her hands, she didn’t want me to put her down, she didn’t like the lunch I made, and she didn’t want to nap.  You’ve been there.   Clearly, this was not the idyllic mother-daughter time that I had anticipated.

My expectation was that Fig and I would have a glorious morning together, and in reality, there were probably as many minutes of crying as there were non-crying ones.

Last weekend I had my first newborn photo-shoot.  The New Mom had told me that her week-old bundle of joy slept so soundly in the afternoons, we would be able to place her on any prop and she’d slumber peacefully.  With the parents input, I set-up about six different scenarios for the baby-shoot.  I even borrowed a bike with a basket, hoping to capture some great ‘baby in the basket’ images.  Both the parents and I had very high expectations, but the baby had other ideas.

She was awake for the entire photo shoot, and she was definitely not happy about being placed, naked and alone, upon strange new surfaces.  Who could blame her?  She wanted to be clothed and swaddled and cuddled.  Isn’t that what all newborns want, and deserve?

And who could blame Fig, for that matter?  No-one.  Fig is a normal two-year-old, making sense of the world and trying to make her wishes known and respected.  She is asserting her independence, and it’s a healthy, encouraging part of her growth.

Both situations have me examining the whole notion of ‘expectations.’  This is not a new theme for me.  Sometimes it’s helpful to have high expectations, because it encourages me to achieve wonderful things.  When they’re too high, however, the disappointment can alter the enjoyment of the experience.

If I look back on these two experiences and erase my expectations, I feel hugely satisfied.  The photos captured during the newborn shoot are precious.  I love looking at them.  The beauty of this little family is overwhelming.  (www.pantusophotography.com.)  Likewise, being at the playground with Fig was a lovely experience!  She adored having all of my attention and we shared a lot of laughs.

It brings to mind the wonderful Ekhart Tolle books (that I need to re-visit) about living in the moment.  How can I be bothered with expectations when I’m fully present in the now?  It’s one of my biggest challenges in life.  To simply live in the moment.

I’m up for it.

- Hamilton Wright Mabi

Now that I have an opportunity to write, I’m realizing that I really missed my daily postings last week!  It reminds me of when I moved away from home to go to the University of [...]]]> “Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”

- Hamilton Wright Mabi

Now that I have an opportunity to write, I’m realizing that I really missed my daily postings last week!  It reminds me of when I moved away from home to go to the University of Alberta and my sister didn’t shed a tear when I left, but she bawled like a baby when I returned home for the Christmas holiday.

Sometimes you don’t realize how much you’ve missed your  love, until you are reacquainted.

I have four ideas for posts today, but I’m going to write about my first Santa-photo-shoot because I’m just so excited about the entire experience.  Not only was the actual ’shoot’ fun and exciting, but the processing and packaging was fulfilling as well.  As I slipped each photo into a greeting card  I imagined how the parents would react when they opened the envelopes and saw their little beauties on Santa’s lap.  Some images were hilarious, some were sweet, and, as I prepared each photo, I learned that just the idea of providing parents with a lasting image of a precious moment in time really rocks my world!!!   My next photo-shoot isn’t until next Saturday, and already I cannot wait to get back at it!!!  It’s a good sign.

What I really want to write about is Timothy.  He showed up after the shoot was over and Santa had left the building, (with a very happy-looking Mrs. Claus I might add,)

“Is Santa gone?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m afraid so.”

“Will he be here tomorrow?”

“No, but he’ll be here next Saturday,”  I said as I packed up my equipment.

“Oh.  I won’t be able to come next Saturday.  Do you take the pictures of Santa?”

“Yes.”

“Can you give him my list?”

Timothy reached into his pocket and pulled out his carefully written Christmas list.  Now, I had anticipated that I would have a good time taking photos of kids, I suspected that I would enjoy watching the magical exchange between Santa and each child he conversed with, but I didn’t expect that a child would consider me a part of that magic.  Timothy surprised me by assuming that I had a direct line to Santa.

“Of course,” I said, checking the list, “is your name on it?”

“Nope; my name’s Timothy.”

“Okay Timothy.”

I have the list in my camera bag and will most definitely give it to Santa, along with some special-secret- signal.  With any luck, Timothy will make it to the mall one Saturday before Christmas, and wouldn’t it be grand if Santa pulled Timothy’s list out from his pocket?

The Happy Clauses

]]> http://thegratefulmama.com/archives/1252/feed 0 http://thegratefulmama.com/archives/842 http://thegratefulmama.com/archives/842#comments Tue, 06 Oct 2009 14:00:26 +0000 Karen http://thegratefulmama.com/?p=842 “There is always music amongst the trees in the garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it.”

Minnie Aumonier

We went for a gorgeous, fall walk in the forest and Fig had a spill.  She tripped on a root and rolled, head-over-heels, in beautiful form.  It looked choreographed, [...]]]> “There is always music amongst the trees in the garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it.”

Minnie Aumonier

We went for a gorgeous, fall walk in the forest and Fig had a spill.  She tripped on a root and rolled, head-over-heels, in beautiful form.  It looked choreographed, as though she was demonstrating the perfect tumble to a stunt class.

When she stopped moving she was flat on her back, arms open, looking straight up at a wise old maple tree.  I didn’t think that she was hurt, so I didn’t rush to her, I simply observed her reaction.  (Truth be told,  I pulled out my camera.)  At first she looked as though she might cry.  She glanced at me, saw no evidence of panic on my face, then she looked up at the astonishing tree above her.  This was a new perspective for her.  The look of wonder on Fig’s face made me want to lie down in the leaves too.  I used to do that a lot as a kid.  Just lie down in the middle of Mother Nature and look up.

“Mama,” she called.  I thought perhaps Fig might request some assistance.

“Yes Fig?”

“Tee,” she said.

“It’s a beautiful tree.” I agreed.

“Booful tee,” and she took it all in.  A moment later she was on her feet again, merrily toddling down the forest path.

Michel de Montaigne, Of Solitude

I heard about a hand-drumming workshop at Joe’s Garage last week.  A fabulous Mexican drummer named Candido was in town with his band, and he was willing to share his skills with a few [...]]]> “The finest thing in the world is knowing how to belong to oneself.”

Michel de Montaigne, Of Solitude

I heard about a hand-drumming workshop at Joe’s Garage last week.  A fabulous Mexican drummer named Candido was in town with his band, and he was willing to share his skills with a few lucky local drummers.  I went to the class at four o’clock and emerged, only an hour and a half later, feeling like a new person.

Candido was indeed a master drummer, but the rhythm he taught us was one that I already knew, so it wasn’t so much what I learned that made me feel rejuvenated, it was just being thrust into an unfamiliar situation with a brand new set of people, (many of whom were very talented,) and doing something that I love to do.

I love feeling like a mom, a wife, a sister, a daughter and a friend, but it’s good to be out in the world by myself sometimes.  I haven’t been seeking out these types of opportunities for myself in the past couple of years, and I really appreciate it when they present themselves to me.  It’s like the universe just taps me on the shoulder and says, “This would be really good for you to do.”

So I went back for the show that evening and took some photos for the band.  My husband stayed at home with the girls and my brother and I went to see the band, “Matombe.”  They were great.  Their world-music vibe was soul-nourishing and Candido’s playing was inspiring.

Karina, the gorgeous dancer in the band, was jaw-droppingly good.  Her style is unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed; a blend of African, Latin and ‘Karinian.’

It was a good day.  I got to spend time with my daughters, my husband, my brother, some new friends,

and my Self.

Charles Gordy

I captured better photographs of Fig before she could speak.

At some point, somebody, (it couldn’t possibly have been me,) taught Fig and Pip to say, “cheese,” when a photograph is being taken.  Now every time Fig [...]]]> “A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.”

Charles Gordy

I captured better photographs of Fig before she could speak.

At some point, somebody, (it couldn’t possibly have been me,) taught Fig and Pip to say, “cheese,” when a photograph is being taken.  Now every time Fig sees me with a camera, (which is quite often,) she scrunches up her face and pronounces her version of “cheese,” which seems to involve far more tongue activity than necessary.

Fig’s big blue eyes practically disappear, her nose wrinkles and she becomes all mouth.  I’m not saying that there isn’t a degree of cuteness in Fig’s cheesy smiles, but it’s not representative of what she typically looks like.  The only time we see her wearing this expression, is when she’s ‘cheesing:’

Cheese in Profile

You see what I’m up against.  Fig’s ‘cheesing’ has definitely reduced the number of natural looking photos I’ve been able to take.  It’s not easy to discourage such a young and eager cheeser.

(By the way, isn’t Fig’s vertical mono-bang impressive?  Don’t attempt to achieve this look with your hair unless you’ve also been blessed with double cowlicks.)