Rejection

“Human beings, like plants, grow in the soil of acceptance, not in the atmosphere of rejection.”

John Powell

Fig worships Pip.  Not only does she mimic everything Pip says and does, but she also likes to give Pip little gifts.  Especially gifts of food.  If Fig is given a piece of cheese, for example, she’ll ask for two so that she can toddle off and present one piece to Pip.

When Pip involves Fig in her games, Fig is in heaven.  You can see it on her face; she practically glows when she looks at her big sister.

Alternately, when Pip is feeling suffocated by Fig’s love and admiration, she rejects her little sister.  There is nothing more heart-breaking that seeing Fig run toward Pip with open arms, only to have Pip say, “No, Fig, I don’t want to hug you right now.”  Ouch.  Fig doesn’t really know how to handle rejection.  She swings her empty arms back and forth and stares at her sister with her big baby blues.

Truth be told, I don’t really know how to handle this situation either.  I often try to help Pip empathize with Fig.  “Honey, how would you feel if you wanted a hug from me and I pushed you away?”  Pip will often hug Fig at this point.

Sometimes I focus on Fig and say, “Come here, Sweetie, I’ll give you a hug!” but my arms aren’t quite the same as Pip’s.

I’ve also said to Pip, “We always have hugs for our loved ones,” because she sometimes withholds hugs for relatives and close friends.  I don’t like the idea of forcing affection though, and I never want it to turn into a negative experience.   I’m not about to establish a ‘hug-rule.’

My favourite strategy is simply to tell Pip how great she makes other people feel when she hugs them.  Maybe one day she’ll realize what a gift it is to have the power to fill someone else’s heart with joy.